Is there such thing as a good cry?

Honestly, I’ve never understood that expression. “A good cry.” Whenever I have a nice, long, snotty-nosed, hyperventilating sobbing cry, it just makes me feel worse. And I feel I’m entitled to gorge on chocolate and caffeine.

I had one of those cries on Monday night. See, the thing with me is I keep everything inside. My emotions are locked up so tight that every once in a while, it’ll all come spilling out and I’ll just let out a nice, big cry.

I think it’s started to hit me that I have to find some way to pay for the rest of my schooling. Because the school system is stupid and I’m not allowed to change my mind, my financial aid is kaput. My mom actually called my school yesterday and was a little “Mama Bear” with them and they told her that they “cannot keep paying for someone who keeps changing their mind.”

OK.

This is my 3rd year of college. When I entered USF in Fall 2006, my major was elementary education. And this is the FIRST TIME I’ve changed it. Yeah, it took me way too long to figure that out but it’s not like I’m off robbing banks or popping out kids. No, I just want an education.

I’m wondering if I move to another state, if they’ll let me use financial aid. I would love to move to Georgia where my favorite two people in the entire world live. Hey! I could be my own news story! “Girl Spends 10 Years Using Up Funds in 5 Different States And Still Has No Degree.” Hm.

Anyway, I don’t know what to do. I petitioned my uncle (the one my father stabbed, insert horror movie stabbing noises) for some money for books. Yep. I’m 4 weeks into the semester with no books. So he, along with 2 other aunts and uncles were able to get me a check. That was nice.

I still need money for this semester, due by March 13th. I need to get a job. My mom thinks she’s going to use her tax return money to help me pay but that’s not gonna happen. If I can get a job soon, I should make enough to pay that off. Hopefully.

I’m trying for scholarships as well. USF has a bunch and I’m waiting on 2 letters of recommendation from 2 teachers who probably don’t even remember me. And I need to write an essay for another scholarship I found (It’d give me $1,500!)

If nothing else, this will be the fire to really get started on my book. But then, if I’m a published author, what do I need school for?

Blegh. Something will work out. It has to.

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